I Surrender by James Monica

Author:James, Monica [James, Monica]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 1618140272
Publisher: theEDGEbooks
Published: 2013-07-29T06:00:00+00:00

Chapter 21:

Hit and Run

I come home after our argument and collapse as soon I close my bedroom door. Luckily V isn’t home and I can mourn alone. I have blown things with Jasper and I doubt he will ever forgive me. He is right in what he said to me. I am too afraid that things would work for us. The attraction between us was instant and growing every day. I should have been embracing it, not running away from it. Jasper deserved better than an emotional fucked up mess like me.

I will miss Jasper because I know after tonight he probably wouldn't want to see me for a while. That thought tears another deep sob from my chest and I cry myself to sleep.

*****

The next day I know I can’t dodge V any longer as I’ve slept in long enough. I try my hardest to smile but she isn't fooled when I pour myself a cup of coffee shakily.

“What the fuck happened?” I shake my head not wanting to talk about it.

“Is everything okay?” I shake my head again and a tear slides down my cheek. V rushes over, giving me a tight hug.

“What’s happened Ava?” she asks firmer this time.

“We had a fight.” I am still caught up in her arms and I can feel myself about to break down.

“Over?” I don’t even have to clarify who I fought with, V knows who.

I stifle a sob. ”Over Harper, over my stupid insecurities, over me being a big ole’ scaredycat.”

“Harper?” V asks clearly confused. I really don't want to repeat what happened, but V will keep harassing me until I budge.

“We were getting heated and at a time when I shouldn't have been thinking about Harper I was and I told Jasper.”

“You what!” V shrieks, pulling me out of her embrace and staring at me wildly.

“Okay it wasn't exactly like that.” I cringe under her scrutiny.

“Then how was it? Because if you called out Harper’s name mid orgasm, Jasper has every right to be mad at you.”

“We didn't even get that far.” I lower my eyes embarrassed.

V looks baffled and says, “You have been hanging around Jasper for too long. You're starting to become ambiguous like him.”

I exhale noisily and peer out the window wishing I was anywhere but here. “We were making out and Jasper was headed... south and I just froze.”

“You froze? I thought that's what you wanted.”

“I did. I do. I just thought about how the only guy I've ever been with is Harper and I'm sure Jasper has been with loads of girls and I started thinking what If I'm not good enough and this changes things for the worse.” As I vocalize what happened, I realize how foolish I was to behave the way I did.

“And you told him this?” V is trying to piece together how I have ended up the emotional wreckage I currently am.

“Not exactly,” I mumble feeling faint.

V rolls her eyes annoyed and gives me a sharp look to continue.

“It just got out of hand.

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